the "C" word............

Ugh. The "C" word......dare I say it....its kinda like the black plague in my family. Just saying the word makes me feel sick and nauseated. Just hearing the word makes me sad and scared. I'm talking about C....C....C....Cancer, bluck.
I have lost a Grandpa, an Aunt, and a few close family friends to the "C" word. I have also had a Grandma, Aunts, friends, and co-workers who have fought it or ARE currently fighting it.
Right now, at this moment I have a sister (my twin sister) who is fighting the "C" word. I just returned from a roadtrip halfway across the mid- US to see her with the three kiddos in tow.
1800+ miles with three kids and about 14 bathroom breaks.......but it was totally worth it.
I knew my sister previously had procedures done to remove cancerous cells from her cervix and her bladder. She has explained this horrific treatment to her bladder where there go in through her urethra and shoot "medicine" straight into her bladder. Little did I know that this procedure was taking place on a regular basis as well as that she was taking two doses of Chemotherapy pills daily. :(
She didn't tell me that she was taking Chemo for her Bladder "C" word until I seen her actually take it. She said that she would be sick to her stomach in about an hour or so. I asked her what the heck she was taking that was gonna make her throw up.....she said "my chemo". I literally felt my heart drop into my shoe. "Your What?? Did you say CHEMO? When did you start taking Chemo? How many MG's is it? How long have you been taking it? OMG, Chemo? I had no idea"
Crystal says "whoa...slow down. Yes it's Chemo. I take it twice a day."
At this point I didn't actually start crying cause I was in shock, but tears were rolling down my cheeks. MY TWIN sister has the "C" word and its REAL. She takes Chemo?? I asked her "why didnt you tell me?" and she says "I didnt want you to freak out like you are right now, you had plenty to worry about with Josh leaving and Randi's breast cancer scare." I must have had a "are you freaking kidding me" look on my face cause she said "What?" All I could muster up was "I can't believe you are taking chemo, I didnt know". So after I cried for a few minutes in silence she says "Are you done?" I'm like yeah for now and she says "I'll be okay. Yes Im sick but I'll be fine." She says "I wish the C word would get the C word so it would kill itself! LOL....leave it to my quirky sister to say something like that to make me laugh when Im screaming on the inside.
I heart her. :)
Crazy how she was comforting ME when less than 15 minutes after our (well my) mini-breakdown she is on her knees in the bathroom dry heaving. She was pale, her skin was on fire, and her eyes were watering. I have a weak stomach when I hear people throw up or make a gagging noise, so I couldnt listen to her heaving. I did take her a glass of water when she was done that she heaved up just a few minutes later. When she was finished getting sick she came into her living room where I was sitting and said she needed to lay down for a little while (she was shaking like she was having withdrawals). Collin snoozed on the couch and Crystal and I crashed in her room, we haven't done that since we were kids. Of course I was exhausted and was asleep in no time.
Pardon my language but the the "C" word is a bitch. I am so thankful that I decided to make the 900+ mile treck to Colorado to see my sister. I'm glad that for a short period of time my sister got to put having a fun time first and Cancer second.
My trip was bittersweet and so not long enough. I enjoyed the time with my step-kiddos they were so awesome! I loved their reactions to every little thing along the way. Chase didnt realize the cows in the fields were pretty far away, he thought they were "miniture cows" LOL!
Kyleigh kept saying "oh my god Christine its so flat......look at all the flatness.....wow its really flat" I was like "please, dont remind me".
With all the heartache and shock, we all had a great time on Saturday at the Zombie Crawl. TONS of great memories.
Most everyone that is near and dear to Crystal and Collin now know about her cancer so I don't feel so bad about posting this blog. I will keep all of my blog followers and FB friends who read my blog updated as often as possible on her progress. She has an amazing support system. Her husband and father-in-law have been a godsent. Thank you so much Collin and Greg for being there for her endless doctors visits and bouts of illness. Her Missouri family and friends appreciate knowing that she is in good hands.
Crystal..... I love you. You are my looking glass. And if you look on the left side of your refridgerator, under the Avalanche schedule magnet you'll find a letter I wrote you. When you have a crappy day read it.
When faced with adversity you can either let it become you or stand up and fight. If you have ever learned anything from me, let this be the lesson you live by until your well again and "C" word free.

Bitter Sweet.....

This time next month I will have my 31st birthday (the 12th) and it will be opening day of rifle season. This year will be bitter sweet because I enjoy everything that comes along with deer season and will miss the time that Josh and I spend together doing something we both love.

I miss my husband being so excited and crazed that our house smells like dirt and acorns for at least 2 months before opening day. I miss trying to cook dinner while he avidly watches every hunting show on TV and every few minutes he says "babe, you HAVE to see this one! Hurry before he's gone..." and before I get in there the scene on the TV changes and I miss the BIG one.....until 5 minutes later another BIG one comes on the screen and its the same thing over again. Its funny how that used to bug me slightly (only because it took like an hour longer to get dinner done when Im in and out of there to see the TV) and now I'd be so happy to be "bugged" because that would mean he was at home.

I'm super excited to be hunting this year (as with every year). Im a little nervous about going without Josh. I have 100 thoughts in my brain, things I cannot forget to take with me that he ALWAYS remembers. He has always been devoted to making sure I get safely in my tree stand before he heads to his. He would get up at least an hour earlier for me than he would if it was just him hunting just to get me dressed, packed up, and safely in the woods in enough time so that he could still make it to his stand before daybreak. (I am so lucky!)
I have already requested off my days of work for deer season and hope I kill a deer that would make my husband proud (though he says he's proud of me for just going and that you cant kill one every year). I did ask him what we are gonna do with my deer mount when I kill "the big one" or as we like to call it (in the words of Michael Waddell) "the mack daddy freak nasty" of them all! :) He says "you can take down one of mine for now and put yours up." YAY.
Time has been flying by pretty fast on the homefront and I am so thankful. He has put in for his leave for R & R and will be home the 10-25th of Feb. Just in time for our second anniversary.
The weather has cooled down over there and him and the crew have really been kicking butt, I am so very proud of his accomplishments thus far. :) 119 days and counting (he says they'll go by faster if I stop counting but I have to have something to look forward to).
Miss Ashlyn is growiing so fast. She is so adorable, lovable, and a little rotten. I have NO IDEA where she gets that from!? Must be from Aunt Randi or Aunt Crystal? Maybe Grandma Bev? LOL. Wherever its from she gets it honest!
I recently had my childhood/grade school BEST FRIEND(s) find me on FB. Her and her twin sister were best friends of Crystal and myself. Though it will take a while to catch up on everything that has happened in the last 17-18 years, its so great that we can keep in touch.
Well, I am going to hop off the blog train, I will try and post something again soon.
Thanks for reading!