This picture was taken of our babygirl exactly one year ago today. Looking back thru the 100's of pictures I have taken since this one it makes my heart happy to watch her grow but it also makes me a little sad that our baby has grown up so fast. Some days I'd give anything to have another one and then I remember how hard pregnancy was on me and I realize that we are very blessed.
I am so very blessed to have my step-kiddos to rear me right and prepare me for Ashlyn.
Funny how you think are teaching them but really they are teaching you. :)

Funny Now, not so funny then........

So, I have been told about a few dozen times that I should write an autobiography. I do not have the patience or any clue where to start so I decided to write "short stories" of my everyday life adventures from the last 30 something years.........
I'll start with the oldest I can remember.....not that they will all go in chronological order but here goes....... Part One of "Funny now, not so funny then....."
Once when I was like 8 or 9 I was standing in our old farmhouse bathroom filling a water jug with water. This was a normal chore on the farm because it was how we helped our parents water our animals. Crystal was standing next to me supervising (she did this often, ha ha) as I lifted the gallon jug out of the sink and turned to walk out of the door and fell to the floor. Crystal scrambled for the jug, I scrambled to stand up only to realize that I was about 3 inches shorter on the right side. I looked down and gasp in horror as I realized my foot had broken off and now laid across the kitchen floor (which by the way was a good 12 feet away!). I started crying and yelling "My foot fell off! My foot fell off!" as Crystal started to laugh hysterically.
She laughed so hard I thought she was going to pass out as I'm crying trying to get her to find our Mom. Needless to say we made a special trip into town to the hardware store for a long bolt to re-apply my severed body part. I wish I would have had a camera to capture the look on the clerks face! Ha! "Yes, I was wondering if you had a bolt about this size?" "oh thank you, its to bolt on my daughters foot"...... and then naturally his eyes looked down to find me standing there footless as he quietly took my moms payment. I don't think I talked to Crystal for a good couple hours! (anyone that knows me, knows that amount of time might as well have been a week). And that is my first great case of "funny now, not so funny then"! ;)
Maybe its a case of "had to be there" but none the less, Crystal will think this is quite entertaining! :)

The days are counting down!

Im so excited! My hubby will be home in a little less than a month. Ashlyn and I are feeling much better. Things are starting to calm down after the holidays. I know this post is short and sweet but I just wanted to give a quick update. TTYS

the "C" word............

Ugh. The "C" word......dare I say it....its kinda like the black plague in my family. Just saying the word makes me feel sick and nauseated. Just hearing the word makes me sad and scared. I'm talking about C....C....C....Cancer, bluck.
I have lost a Grandpa, an Aunt, and a few close family friends to the "C" word. I have also had a Grandma, Aunts, friends, and co-workers who have fought it or ARE currently fighting it.
Right now, at this moment I have a sister (my twin sister) who is fighting the "C" word. I just returned from a roadtrip halfway across the mid- US to see her with the three kiddos in tow.
1800+ miles with three kids and about 14 bathroom breaks.......but it was totally worth it.
I knew my sister previously had procedures done to remove cancerous cells from her cervix and her bladder. She has explained this horrific treatment to her bladder where there go in through her urethra and shoot "medicine" straight into her bladder. Little did I know that this procedure was taking place on a regular basis as well as that she was taking two doses of Chemotherapy pills daily. :(
She didn't tell me that she was taking Chemo for her Bladder "C" word until I seen her actually take it. She said that she would be sick to her stomach in about an hour or so. I asked her what the heck she was taking that was gonna make her throw up.....she said "my chemo". I literally felt my heart drop into my shoe. "Your What?? Did you say CHEMO? When did you start taking Chemo? How many MG's is it? How long have you been taking it? OMG, Chemo? I had no idea"
Crystal says "whoa...slow down. Yes it's Chemo. I take it twice a day."
At this point I didn't actually start crying cause I was in shock, but tears were rolling down my cheeks. MY TWIN sister has the "C" word and its REAL. She takes Chemo?? I asked her "why didnt you tell me?" and she says "I didnt want you to freak out like you are right now, you had plenty to worry about with Josh leaving and Randi's breast cancer scare." I must have had a "are you freaking kidding me" look on my face cause she said "What?" All I could muster up was "I can't believe you are taking chemo, I didnt know". So after I cried for a few minutes in silence she says "Are you done?" I'm like yeah for now and she says "I'll be okay. Yes Im sick but I'll be fine." She says "I wish the C word would get the C word so it would kill itself! LOL....leave it to my quirky sister to say something like that to make me laugh when Im screaming on the inside.
I heart her. :)
Crazy how she was comforting ME when less than 15 minutes after our (well my) mini-breakdown she is on her knees in the bathroom dry heaving. She was pale, her skin was on fire, and her eyes were watering. I have a weak stomach when I hear people throw up or make a gagging noise, so I couldnt listen to her heaving. I did take her a glass of water when she was done that she heaved up just a few minutes later. When she was finished getting sick she came into her living room where I was sitting and said she needed to lay down for a little while (she was shaking like she was having withdrawals). Collin snoozed on the couch and Crystal and I crashed in her room, we haven't done that since we were kids. Of course I was exhausted and was asleep in no time.
Pardon my language but the the "C" word is a bitch. I am so thankful that I decided to make the 900+ mile treck to Colorado to see my sister. I'm glad that for a short period of time my sister got to put having a fun time first and Cancer second.
My trip was bittersweet and so not long enough. I enjoyed the time with my step-kiddos they were so awesome! I loved their reactions to every little thing along the way. Chase didnt realize the cows in the fields were pretty far away, he thought they were "miniture cows" LOL!
Kyleigh kept saying "oh my god Christine its so flat......look at all the flatness.....wow its really flat" I was like "please, dont remind me".
With all the heartache and shock, we all had a great time on Saturday at the Zombie Crawl. TONS of great memories.
Most everyone that is near and dear to Crystal and Collin now know about her cancer so I don't feel so bad about posting this blog. I will keep all of my blog followers and FB friends who read my blog updated as often as possible on her progress. She has an amazing support system. Her husband and father-in-law have been a godsent. Thank you so much Collin and Greg for being there for her endless doctors visits and bouts of illness. Her Missouri family and friends appreciate knowing that she is in good hands.
Crystal..... I love you. You are my looking glass. And if you look on the left side of your refridgerator, under the Avalanche schedule magnet you'll find a letter I wrote you. When you have a crappy day read it.
When faced with adversity you can either let it become you or stand up and fight. If you have ever learned anything from me, let this be the lesson you live by until your well again and "C" word free.

Bitter Sweet.....

This time next month I will have my 31st birthday (the 12th) and it will be opening day of rifle season. This year will be bitter sweet because I enjoy everything that comes along with deer season and will miss the time that Josh and I spend together doing something we both love.

I miss my husband being so excited and crazed that our house smells like dirt and acorns for at least 2 months before opening day. I miss trying to cook dinner while he avidly watches every hunting show on TV and every few minutes he says "babe, you HAVE to see this one! Hurry before he's gone..." and before I get in there the scene on the TV changes and I miss the BIG one.....until 5 minutes later another BIG one comes on the screen and its the same thing over again. Its funny how that used to bug me slightly (only because it took like an hour longer to get dinner done when Im in and out of there to see the TV) and now I'd be so happy to be "bugged" because that would mean he was at home.

I'm super excited to be hunting this year (as with every year). Im a little nervous about going without Josh. I have 100 thoughts in my brain, things I cannot forget to take with me that he ALWAYS remembers. He has always been devoted to making sure I get safely in my tree stand before he heads to his. He would get up at least an hour earlier for me than he would if it was just him hunting just to get me dressed, packed up, and safely in the woods in enough time so that he could still make it to his stand before daybreak. (I am so lucky!)
I have already requested off my days of work for deer season and hope I kill a deer that would make my husband proud (though he says he's proud of me for just going and that you cant kill one every year). I did ask him what we are gonna do with my deer mount when I kill "the big one" or as we like to call it (in the words of Michael Waddell) "the mack daddy freak nasty" of them all! :) He says "you can take down one of mine for now and put yours up." YAY.
Time has been flying by pretty fast on the homefront and I am so thankful. He has put in for his leave for R & R and will be home the 10-25th of Feb. Just in time for our second anniversary.
The weather has cooled down over there and him and the crew have really been kicking butt, I am so very proud of his accomplishments thus far. :) 119 days and counting (he says they'll go by faster if I stop counting but I have to have something to look forward to).
Miss Ashlyn is growiing so fast. She is so adorable, lovable, and a little rotten. I have NO IDEA where she gets that from!? Must be from Aunt Randi or Aunt Crystal? Maybe Grandma Bev? LOL. Wherever its from she gets it honest!
I recently had my childhood/grade school BEST FRIEND(s) find me on FB. Her and her twin sister were best friends of Crystal and myself. Though it will take a while to catch up on everything that has happened in the last 17-18 years, its so great that we can keep in touch.
Well, I am going to hop off the blog train, I will try and post something again soon.
Thanks for reading!

Beautiful Tragedy

Looks can be deceiving is how the saying goes,
how true this phrase effects me, nobody really knows.

Make lemonade out of lemons my best friend once told me,
but I can't help to feel like a beautiful tragedy.

I have never let life circumstance get me down and blue,
how would you react if the tables were turned and it was all on you?

A face they say that lights the room at any given time,
a mesmerizing spell on you, a smile to stun your eyes.

A personality to fill the void of what physically should be there,
always affraid to spill the truth, will they be curious or run scared?

Most chances have shown the human heart is full of empathy,
I dislike the times when people look down and give me sympathy.

I do not want your charity, your sorrow and your pain,
for the gift that god gave to me, I do not take in vain.

I take a chance and run with it hoping for the best,
I feel I am one of a kind, nothing like the rest.

If you take a chance I will not fail to be a friend to thee,
and maybe then you'll understand the complexity of me.

(I wrote this poem at a time in my life when I felt like everywhere I
turned I was being judged or that people were feeling sorry for me.
I wrote this poem before I realized that it didn't matter what others
thought of me only what I thought of myself. This poem was one
of the 1st reflections of how I really felt inside about being an amputee
and living life always having to worry how people would react. It was
almost a Rite of Passage of sorts. I am so blessed to be passed that
point in my life and have very supportive people who have helped
me become the person I am today.)

Poem written: January 6th 2005

California Dreamin'.......

Well, I know I suck really bad at this whole blog thing. I have had so much going on in my life recently that a little blogging release would have done me some GOOD!!!
So tomorrow morning I board a flight to Cali for 4 days 3 nights! It will be the 1st time I will have been away from my babygirl Ashlyn for more than 1 night at a time..... I'm going to miss her so much. I figure if my amazing husband can go 6 months at a time without seeing her I can grit through 4 days. :)
I am super excited for the trip, its also a little bittersweet. I have never really taken a trip like this, for this long without Joshua. It will be nice for the little mini-vacation and helping out with the convention but I would have enjoyed it far more if he was in tote!
So tomorrow will be the two month mark since he left for his new job excursions overseas.
Some days it feels like WOW, 2 months already! Its flying by! Then other days when I realize it's been almost 60 nights without him, with no kiss, no hug, it gets a little rough. The decision for him to go was a joint decision for our future and I thank him as often as I can for doing this for our family.
He is going to try and get leave to come home on R & R in February sometime. We figure everyone else will try and go home around Christmas and New Years, if he waits til then hopefully his chances of getting to come home will be better. :)
Ashlyn is growing so much everyday! She learns something new all the time and is such a joy to be around. I'm sure my facebook friends get tired of new pictures up of her all the time but that is my way of sharing with her daddy her progress and growth.
She is so adorable when I show her a picture of him on my cell phone, she points directly at his face on the screen and says "Da-da-da-da" at the TOP of her lungs in a screechy, excited voice.
My mother-in-law taught her "patty-cake" in about 30 minutes..... now everytime you say "patty cake Ashlyn" she claps her little hands together and then I always say "YAY Ashlyn" so now she is starting to say "yayyy" at the end of patty-cake! :) Its TOO cute!
I am pretty sure I have everything packed for my trip, but knowing me I will forget something important! I almost considered a smaller carry-on for all my shoes! I narrowed it down to my Nike shocks, two pairs of flip flops, a pair of strappy flat sandals, a pair of black dress heels (for business attire at convention), and black boots. I know I know...it's only 4 days! My husband would NOT be surprised that I am taking that many shoes! :)
I will have TONS of pictures to post after my trip. A good friend and fellow veteran from Operation Iraqi Freedom II of Joshs' will be my chauffer on Saturday so that I have a chance to see some of the sights of the area.... I'm not only excited to have someone else drive in their horrific traffic, having someone thats a good friend of Joshs as well so I'm not spending the day with a bunch of strangers is a plus too.
I wouldnt have been able to go on this trip without my little ones sitters! Thanks Stacy for picking up/dropping off at daycare as well as my mother-in-law keeping her saturday til I get back on Sunday eve. You guys are awesome!
Well..........until I write again (which if we know me, may be a month or more!).................